


Alive

by Zoja



Category: Transplant (TV 2020)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24719266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoja/pseuds/Zoja
Summary: He was alive, awake and lucid and if she knew him, also determined to get better as quickly as possible. | A dive into Claire's mind during the season 1 finale.
Relationships: Jed Bishop/Claire Malone
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	Alive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Right_hand_boi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Right_hand_boi/gifts).



> Dedicated to Right_hand_boi as a thank you for dedication and a high five to a fellow Transplant fan and fanfic writer.

‘There’s no guarantee he comes back from this, Claire’ kept on ringing in her head as she stared at the spot where Jed was only moments earlier, before they took him for surgery. A part of her almost couldn’t believe this was really happening; it was almost inconceivable that he had been mostly fine just moments earlier and fighting for his life now, but of course, as a nurse she knew that this was simply the way these things worked sometimes.

When she couldn’t stay still anymore, knowing that there was nothing she could do but wait, she began walking through the corridors of the hospital without any real destination in mind. Not a conscious one at least, as she soon found herself standing in front of the door to Jed’s office and eventually stepped inside, after only a short moment of hesitation.

She had no doubts they would find her once he was out of surgery. Someone was bound to figure out that she could be here and, worst case scenario, they could always page her. She was still technically on shift, after all; or she was supposed to be, as the lack of activity from her pager left little doubts that nobody had been looking for her and she couldn’t help feeling grateful for that. She wasn’t sure she would be able to work when she couldn’t stop thinking of everything she knew about survival and recovery rates, as well as potential lingering problems, unable to focus on anything else. Luckily, it seemed that everyone understood and had her covered, and she would have to find a way to thank them for it later.

Sitting down on the sofa, she found it difficult to believe that she had been sitting in this very same spot only a short time earlier, feeling extremely glad and relieved by his promise that he would get a consult and subject himself to any test or exam that was necessary to figure out the cause of his symptoms. She had been worried too, of course; just the sole fact that he agreed to all of that this easily made her realize how serious it really was, but knowing that he wasn’t going to ignore it was enough to ease her worries and make her focus on trying to offer him at least a little bit of comfort.

It wasn’t really the turn of events that she expected when she came to his office under the pretense of updating him on Sonya Jessup. She wasn’t proud to admit that she was convinced he would insist that he was fine, and she was ready to fight him on that. The moment she realized that she was wrong, and what she had initially taken for stubborn denial was actually a mask he had put on to hide how much he was beating himself up over what happened, she couldn’t help feeling guilty about her earlier assumption.

At the same time she had to admit that she was both surprised and impressed by his honesty and the way he opened up to her. The two of them had always been close, much closer than was appropriate in fact, but even after they had agreed to stick to friends, they shared a connection that ran deeper than anyone would ever expect two people as strikingly different as the two of them to share. This, however, was something new and it made her fully realize that he really meant it when he said that he wanted this to work.

Not that she hadn’t believed him before but it was in that moment that it truly dawned on her how much their relationship had actually changed, in ways she had not even noticed. The changes didn’t seem too big and at first glance, it was almost as if they didn’t go past spending more time together after work and learning small, mundane things about each other, seeing a side of each other that they had never really been privy to before. Yet, the more she thought about it, the more she could see this little, almost unnoticeable shift in their dynamic that served as a bigger reassurance that this could work than any conversation ever could.

Claire wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting there like that; it felt like barely a few minutes and a whole eternity at the same time. She was only brought back to the present when the sound of her own name made her jump and when she turned to the side, she noticed Wendy Atwater looking at her with concern. With her back turned towards the window that overlooked the corridor, she had no way of seeing the woman come to a halt when she spotted her inside, but she had been so lost in thoughts that she didn’t even hear her come in.

“Any news?” she asked and even though she didn’t voice it, Claire could see the unspoken question in her eyes – ‘are you okay?’.

“Not yet” she just said and the blonde woman nodded.

Even though she looked and sounded as professional as ever, Claire had no doubts that she was worried, just like anyone else in the department. With the amount of time they spent together at work, it seemed only natural that they were almost like family to each other; very unique, maybe even a little dysfunctional at times, but a family nonetheless. Atwater could always be complaining about Bishop disrupting her shifts, but everyone knew that she couldn’t help feeling something was weird when he didn’t. The residents could always be complaining about him being too hard on them, but at the end of the day they all knew that it was his way of showing them that he believed they could become great doctors and just wanted them to learn as much as possible, so they did their best not to let him down. It was simply how their dynamic work, the same way she and Jed always teased each other relentlessly – she probably much more than him, if she was honest – yet never took it personally, knowing it was all playful.

“Keep us updated” said Atwater, offering a small, reassuring smile and a look that said ‘we have to think positive’, before her pager went off and she stormed out of the room with only an apologetic glance in Claire’s direction.

Claire herself left only a moment later and she was just reaching the elevator when she felt her phone vibrate she noticed a text that could only have come from Tom Duncan or anyone else from neurosurgery, letting her know Jed was out of surgery and which room he was in. The doctor was just leaving the room as she arrived and walked up to her immediately.

“I’m not going to lie, it was serious” he began and even though he stressed it several times during his explanation that he far from being out of the woods yet, Claire’s mind latched onto the information that Jed was alive and stable.

Only when she stepped into the room and saw him lying motionless in bed, hooked up to monitors, bandage wrapped around his head, did Duncan’s words really reached her. He was a long way from being fine and waking up was only the first step in what could be a very long recovery. And as she sat down in the chair standing by the side of his bed and took his hand into hers, she couldn’t help wondering about the what ifs. Even though she didn’t wish harm to any patient, a part of her couldn’t help thinking that if only a situation like the one with Sonya Jessup had happened even a day earlier, he would have chosen to seek help earlier and they would have had a chance to find the problem and maybe even resolve it before it had come to this.

A knock startled her back to the present and the next thing she knew, Theo was standing by her side, handing her a doughnut and a cup of tea.

“I know you probably don’t feel hungry but you should still eat something” he said when he noticed her open her mouth in protest. “No one’s asking for a five course dinner, it’s just a small snack.”

“Thanks” she replied with an appreciative nod.

As it turned out, Theo was only the first one to drop by to see how Jed was doing and check on her as well in the process. Not even five minutes passed after he left before she spotted June standing by one of the windows, the young trauma surgeon nodding to her when she noticed Claire looking in her direction and walked away when Claire nodded back. Next came Atwater, bringing the news that they had figured out what was wrong with Sonya Jessup and managed to fix it, and Claire knew it was her way of offering consolation even if she didn’t really know what to say.

Mags and Bash came together and Claire quickly caught on to the fact that the two of them had reached an agreement that they should get her to think about herself as well, probably figuring that they had more chance of succeeding as a team. In the end, she didn’t even put up much of a fight, knowing that there was one thing that she should do, which had completely slipped out of her mind before.

“Do you know what happened to his things?” she asked as she stood up from the chair. “Neurology doesn’t have them and…”

“They’re in my locker” said Mags, looking a little embarrassed when Claire’s eyebrows raised in surprise at the statement. “One of the nurses brought them and wasn’t sure where to take them, so I held on to them for the time being.”

“I’ll stay with him” Bash assured her with a warm smile when Claire’s gaze shifted to him and she nodded appreciatively, stepping out with Mags.

The first thing Claire did after the young doctor left her alone was to look around to see if anyone was paying her any attention and reach inside Jed’s bag to take out his cell phone. She felt awful doing that, like she was doing something extremely wrong, but she couldn’t see any other way of getting Jonah’s number. He needed to be informed what happened and offered a choice whether he wanted to come or not, even if he wasn’t listed as his father’s emergency contact.

Jed had chosen her, as it turned out, which was how they got her number to let her know that the surgery was over and most likely why everyone treated her like his next of kin, giving her all the information that would normally be reserved only for relatives. Or maybe they did it because they knew that she was probably the closest thing to a relative that he had – except for Jonah- but she still felt weird finding out only now that she had been Jed’s emergency contact ever since his divorce.

She felt even dirtier as she entered the password to unlock the phone – the year he became a full-fledged doctor, of course, only backwards – and scrolled through the contacts until she reached Jonah and sent his number to herself. The moment she heard her own phone vibrate with the new message, she locked Jed’s and threw it back into his bag almost as if the object had offended her somehow.

The conversation with Jonah turned out to be pretty quick when he finally picked up on her fourth attempt. After his initial surprise at getting three phone calls and a text message asking to call back from an unknown number – which she had apparently forgotten to sign, but luckily chose to mention that it was about his father – he cut her off before she had a chance to explain all the details, saying that he was coming and she would tell him everything once he was there. And she did just that as she led him towards his father’s room, knowing Jed would appreciate him coming, even if he probably wouldn’t admit just how much it meant to him.

'He’s lucky to have you in his life', Bash told her and it had almost served as the tiny push that she needed to lose the grip she had on her emotions. Sure, she might have been staying by his side, making sure he had everything he needed and even things that he wouldn’t have asked for – like a visit from his son – but she didn’t feel like she was doing much difference at all. Maybe she could have, if she had been more insistent about him seeking consultation – even if only to humour her – instead of letting it go, choosing to trust his assurances that he was fine every time she noticed he was dizzy or nauseous. She couldn’t turn back time, though.

As she watched the two of them through the glass, she couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach, caused by the fact that he still hadn’t said anything. She was still clinging to hope that he would, but that hope was diminishing every time he looked at her or anyone else like he wanted to say something and tried, but simply couldn’t. At least he didn’t seem to have any problems understanding what everyone was telling him, which was always a good sign.

‘He won’t give up without a fight’, she told Jonah over the phone and it was a belief that she was choosing to stick to. It was probably the only thing keeping her emotions mostly in check, as the last thing she wanted was to fall apart. She needed to be strong, both for herself and for Jed, at least for the time being. It wasn’t the end of the world, after all; he was alive, awake and lucid and if she knew him, also determined to get better as quickly as possible. Probably even to the point that she might need to keep him in check not to overdo anything and that, luckily, was one of the few things she _could_ do.

**Author's Note:**

> Here is some more Transplant and Bishop/Claire from me. I am not good at gen fics, but if you ever feel the need for something shippy with these two, you could reach out to me and I’ll see what I can do. Our fandom might be small but if there’s one thing experience has taught me about small fandoms, they can become like a weird little family too :)


End file.
